The past six months spent in Portland have been full of so many new experiences. One being the feeling of homesickness that can only come from moving away from the only city I've ever known. The longest I've spent away from my family/Atlanta is probably only two months. Maybe less than that. The semester I attended Valdosta State University I came home a few times to visit. With that said, it is new for me to be so far away from my family, friends, and the city I called home for 23 years.
Mom, don't get upset, but I think the first thing that was hard for me when we got to Portland was the lack of friends. Living where I spent most of my life meant that I was never lacking in the friends area. I had friends from high school and earlier that lived OTP, and new friends from my restaurant jobs ITP. So if I felt like going out or doing something with friends, there was usually someone available. Plus, I lived with one of my best friends for almost two years so I always had someone to talk to about anything. (I miss you so much Tatyana.)
I swear there is a point. Oh yeah, so when we first got to Portland I immediately noticed my lack of friends to call up and share my life with. Tom is my best friend, so he is the first person I want to go out with and spend my time with, but I missed my girls. I still do. Ashley has been such a blessing in my life the past few months, I don't know what I would do without her right across the courtyard! But I miss those friendships that have grown and matured over the years. They haven't gone anywhere, I still have their voices, but I miss their beautiful faces.
Next was my family. They were only 45 minutes away when I lived in Midtown so I could drive up and get my family time whenever I needed it. Having my parents so close if I ever needed a big hug, advice, or just a nice conversation on the porch, was so nice. And my siblings are pretty fun to have around too :)
So a couple months after the move the absence of the ones I love really started to get to me. I started comparing Portland to Atlanta in more negative ways than when I had first moved there. At first it was "Portland is better because of this," "Atlanta sucks because of that." Then I started to miss my daily routine and "normal life." I think in a way I resented Portland because my friends and family weren't a part of it. (Thankfully I have an amazing man by my side who has put up with this.)
What I'm trying to get at is that I've realized something this week. PORTLAND IS AN AMAZING CITY. I've fallen in love with it. I miss it after being away for 4 days. I can't wait to go back to my life. I thought this visit would feel like "coming home." In a way it has. The time spent with my friends and family makes me feel at home. But the city makes me feel like a visitor, a stranger. Portland is my home right now. Atlanta may be that for me again some day, but this vacation has finally made me realize how great of a home I have in Portland.
Tom, you know I've loved this adventure with you and I wouldn't trade any of it for a minute. You have always made me feel safe, secure, and happy. But now I realize all those other things have started to fall into place as well. I can't wait to see what the summer holds :)
For those of you who read this, thanks for getting through the rambling. This time in my life has been so much to process, growing up is weird. It feels good to finally be honest about how I've felt about being far away from you all. I miss you guys all the time, these few days I have to spend with you have been such a blessing.
Oh, and come visit us in Portland!
